life changes.

i'm not myself today.
i'm not. always with the bad news.
i wanna smile, you know?
i wanna smile real hard, and mean it, but i cant.
i was always haunted with the fact that something bad is gonna happen,
to prepare myself you see?
and you know when it does happens, i can be prepared.
well lemme put it this way, i;m still NOT prepared.

i only want you few to be there for me,
be my shoulder, tell me things will be alright.
that i'll be alright.
even if i know i wont.
but when i needed you the most, such as now. you cant even sense the fact that i'm hurt. i wasted tears for all of this shit, and i ask myself again.
what's the point.
what's the dam point.
i dont see it anymore,
if i'm leaving now, wat is the point.
my only question is.
would you even blink an eye if i was gone. would you even care?

people say, appreciate what you have now.
i am doing it. yet i dont feel appreciated.
then again, it has never been about me, has it?
shit i'm just typing and typing crap i feel again.
sorry dear bloggie :(

well, to talk bout my daily life, my life is full of unlucky events.
for starters, my car.
then, my crazy ass mum.
then, well my belongings.
then, my health.
basically my life;s screwed.

i try to live everyday like it will be last now,
so i can appreciate everything.
i keep telling and reminding myself, to start.
start letting things go, one at a time.
slowly and surely, everyone else can pull through. i shall stay positive.
yes, positivity.
i shall find more company nowadays. shant waste anytime now =)
i know who i;ll miss the most , i know.

oh well, life is a challenge.
i finally understood what that means.

lots of love,
Jean

i have only one wish , i mentioned before.
its silly.
but i wanna be kissed under the rain :)i do feel like the rose. broken beyond repair.